Wednesday, November 27, 2013

If you're telekinetic raise my hand.

Just for laughs...

1. There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle's.
2. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
3. The lessons in life are free, but they cost a lot.
4. A woman's place is in charge.
5. Well, my days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle.
6. Build it and they will complain.
7. The most important social element in modern computer game development is probably still beer.
8. Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.
9. I try to watch what I eat and yet my eyes just aren't quick enough.
10. She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.
10. Some people are like slinkies not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
11. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
12. Two wrongs don't make a right, three lefts do.
13. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.
14. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
15. I miss my ex so often, I really need a laser sight.1
16. Two guys walked into a bar, the third one ducked.
17. Women's rights impress me as much as their lefts.
18. The practice of mindfulness may show you what is so. Further enlightenment will make you say, “So what?”
19. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas.
20. If you're telekinetic raise my hand.
21. I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.
22. Pet spiders are cheaper to buy off the web.
23. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
24. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
25. Speed up your smartphone, throw it out a 10th story window.

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