1. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
2. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
3. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
4. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work
5. I’ve gotta stop saying “how stupid can you be?”. Too many people are taking it as a challenge.
6. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
7. I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure the kids took it.
8. The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
9. My car doubles in value when I fill up my gas tank.
10. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Hoo yah!
11. The fly that doesn’t want to be swatted is most secure when it’s sitting on the fly swatter.
12. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
13. Always remember you're unique, just like everybody else.
14. Those who criticize our generation seem to forget to who raised it.
15. Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.